When good deeds turn to bad ones…

Being a PNS in Indonesia is truly a tough challenge, not only because we’re forced to live under poverty line.. ;p, but we’re also captivated by vicious circle of corruption created by inner-culture and behavior of older generations…
on first day of being PNS, the very first question I got was from a woman wondering who brought me there… in their minds.. the reason I am accepted there is that because I have someone from the office to depend on .. not because of I fulfilled the requirement.. silly isn’t it?
Thus.. I decided to keep myself clean.. and stay away from such bad manner.. I am trying hard not to get involved in any kind of abstract activities..
Tapi.. namanya manusia cuman berencana.. berniat baik.. dan katanya kalo udah niat baik mah udah pasti dicatet malaikat.. eh.. eventually I couldn’t avoid such things … tatoeba: I have to sign blank paper for financial matter.. almost everyday.. they need it to liquid next-program budget… something I don’t really understand… I’ve been working for certain projects.. but never been paid.. not even once.. just keep signing… ridiculous isn’t it… jadi saha nu gelo nya?.. to some extent I can’t blame the actors (I mean my room-mates).. rather.. I am blaming on the system which allows “us” (excluding me tentunya) to commit such bad attitude.. this is true.. if you go deep inside digging and exploring the true world of bureaucracy.. then you will find yourself surprise.. ninety nine percent is false…I suppose..
Kalo sudah demikian.. lantas hidup ini untuk apa?.. makna hidupnya kok seperti tidak lagi dihayati.. atau malah tenggelam dalam kebingungan… when I am thinking of what I have been doing so far.. for the last, let say, ten years… I feel like I am just an ordinary one.. or maybe I am too ordinary.. until nobody could recognize me.. could not set me apart from common people… jadi… ada ato tidak adanya aku gak ngaruh… kacian deh aku.. or maybe it’s the matter of emptiness that might be, nearly, healed soon….which then come again some other time.. a kind of life-cycle begitulah….
Couple weeks ago I met my supervisor and started talking about my uncomfortable situation in my own room,.. and wondering if I have a chance to move to other unit… and somehow he promised me to do his utmost to get me out of there…. tapi.. sstttt… some friends of mine told me that he is a kind of OM-DO.. international term for this is NATO.. mudah2an dia udah insyaf.. n perilaku dengan perkataannya jadi berbanding lurus.. begitchu


One response to “When good deeds turn to bad ones…

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